ISD superaware

This website is constantly monitored and frequently covertly attacked by what appears to be Singapore's Internal Security Division and individuals connected to it, especially ahead of the 2025 Singapore General Election, because I am the first openly gay ethnic community leader in Singapore and the first ethnic community leader not under the state's hegemonic control, and consistently maintain strict independence from the state despite innumerable covert attempts to engender the opposite. People close to me also appear to often be strong-armed against their will into trying to attack or hurt me on behalf of ISD and abusive elements of the Singapore state.

If this website disappears without any indication of why it has disappeared, you can thus generally assume that I am under apocalyptically severe psychoemotional abuse and attack from the Singapore state, or Fuad or I have recently experienced one of these attacks. I have experienced at least eight of these totalitarising attacks on my sense of self from what appears to be ISD and ISD-linked individuals in April 2010, November 2012, August 2018, July 2019, September 2021, March 2022, November 2024 and March 2025 because I have steadfastly refused to ever be controlled by these abusive elements of the Singapore state.

The Merlionsman website, most parts of the Kodrah Kristang website and my Tigri sa Chang substack were temporally taken offline between Sunday, 9 March 2025 22:30 SGT and Wednesday, 12 March 2025 09:30 SGT after extremely severe racist and homophobic inbound projection on a level of severity identical to that experienced by myself in July 2019 was experienced by me and Fuad from what appears to be Singapore's Internal Security Division, and via a member of my Dragonsguard who appears to have been forced against their will to attack us with homophobic, ableist and racist slurs in order to destabilise us, to turn Fuad and I against each other and/or the rest of my Dragonsguard and the Kristang community, to make us feel even more isolated after I previously explained that I was not in direct contact with most of the people in my henung on Thursday, 6 March 2025 in this banner headline, to suggest to Fuad that Fuad was being useless to Singapore because he was not trying to stop me, and to attempt to make us both feel that I was doing things to directly jeopardise my public image, and therefore Fuad's and my life together, in an immature, childish, puerile or juvenile way, and/or in a psychoemotionally or mentally disordered way that tried to intentionally remind both of us of the earlier projection from what appears to be ISD in July 2019 that I had a hidden or unknown personality disorder, and that Fuad was not aware of this such that I was secretly preying on or hurting the people I loved without his knowledge or awareness. As of Wednesday, 12 March 2025 09:30 SGT, Fuad and I have hence decided that we will generally assume going forward that all use of any homophobic, ableist or racist slurs from any person based in Singapore or connected to Singapore, and any attempts to suggest I have any kind of psychological or mental disorder beyond ADHD and/or autism, and/or that I am anything less than fully psychoemotionally healthy are coming from someone related to ISD and abusive elements of the Singapore state who are making use of such slurs, homophobia, racism and/or ableist prejudice and bias to try and violate, abuse, traumatise or hurt us. The general public and all members of my Dragonsguard and henung should also be aware that all future sudden disappearances of the Merlionsman website and/or major parts of the constituent elements of the Kodrah Kristang website can immediately be generally understood as very likely to be the results of severe ISD and Singapore state projection, abuse, and psychoemotional violation undertaken onto Fuad and I for no particular reason whatsoever, and that Fuad and I can be understood to be in very severe emotional distress if either website is ever taken down again. Finally, these elements appear to have hoped that I would either betray or destroy this particular Dragonsguard's public image by circulating images of what this person had said to me; all Dragonsguard should be aware that if you are placed in this particular situation, Fuad and I will do our best to ensure that the trauma you yourself experienced in being forced to attack us is fully and accurately represented to the entire Kristang community and the general public, and that your true intentions will also generally be derivable by the community and the public should ISD or any other eleidi attempt to force you to further attack us.

how to have a reconciliation conversation with kevin martens wong zhi qiang

As of Thursday, 13 March 2025 11:00 SGT, one person has accepted my call to reconciliation, has met me face-to-face at the Tanjong Rhu Lookout Tower to complete the process of reconciliation under the Kristang Creole-Indigenous terms for reconciliation, and has fully satisfied all of these Creole-Indigenous requirements for reconciliation to my own superautistic Gaietic standards of excellence, ethicality and expectation as outlined on the Reconciliation Conversations page, doing so in the presence of myself, the himnaka of all my temporally displaced Dragonsguard and blood ancestors, and the himnaka of Mabel Anne Tessensohn, Liu Pit Neo, Andrew Krygsman, Vinodhan Kumaran, Peter Rowsing Martens, Derek Edmund Scully, Bernard Stephen Mesenas, Basil Clarence Pereira and Renuka Satianathan. In honour of this person and their full and rigorous commitment to and concretisation of everything set out on the Reconciliation Conversations page as a superlative first example of what was needed for reconciliation to take place, and in further dialogue with Fuad and the himnaka of Renuka Satianathan, I will also place myself alone without Fuad or anyone else at the fourth and highest level of the Tanjong Rhu Lookout Tower for a second day tomorrow, Friday, 14 March 2025, from 08:00 to 11:00 and 11:45 to 18:00 SGT. I continue to be at the Tanjong Rhu Lookout Tower today, Thursday, 13 March 2025 from 11:45 to 18:00 SGT, fully open to all conversations of reconciliation that need to take place.

0. Always remember that the person you are talking to is that kid above, that kid that you humiliated, lied to, betrayed, violated, abused, tried to destroy and tried to hurt for no fucking reason. If you say anything that even approximates trying to fuck with that kid, or approximates any kind of dehumanisation of him, or makes him feel like he should go back to calling himself "faggot" or "scrawny" or "weak" or "ugly" or "weird", you go straight back to being blocked. If you show up at the Tower tomorrow with this kind of behaviour I will literally walk away from you and you will have fucked it all up for everyone trying to achieve reconciliation.

0. If your actions appear to have led to or caused the death of Renuka Satianathan, all available psychoemotional evidence very strongly indicates you are required to make peace with her first before you even think about coming near me. And I'm not going to tell you how to make peace with her himnaka. That's your fucking problem, especially since everybody has been stalking me for three years since I left Eunoia and yall should all have fantastic access to the Orange Book and everything I previously wrote about this. Making peace with me will not bring Renuka back from the dead or liberate you from the guilt or shame you feel about what you did to her, and I'm not going to absolve you (and cannot absolve you) of whatever shit you did to her, so you resolve it with her first before dealing with me.

0. As stated elsewhere and ad nauseam, this whole fucking thing is only possible because I am Kristang and the legitimate and unchangeable Kabesa of the Kristang community, and because as of today, Wednesday, 12 March 2025, I have confirmed with a significant number of other elders in the community that this reconciliation process is not just a Kevin thing, it is a Kristang community thing with very strong, if not near-unanimous support from the psychoemotionally healthy and Creole-Indigenous elements of the community. Reconciliation in this way will hence now be a Creole-Indigenous Kristang cultural practice. So you will respect Kristang culture for the rest of your life, and you will fucking end all this bullshit about me not being Kabesa, about queer Kristang stuff not being legitimate cultural practice, and about devaluing Dragonsguard and/or any other stuff that is cultural and indigenous. Any more fucking racist, homophobic and/or ableist bullshit about this in any form and again I will walk away from that fucking Tower.

single most important General Principle for Reconciliation Conversations with Kevin Martens

When in a reconciliation conversation with me, you are playing by my rules, my standards, and my expectations, which because I am extremely autistic and have ADHD, are exactly the same rules, standards and expectations of the healthiest forms of Gaia and the living universe. I always do the right thing, but I do it at Kevin Martens Wong Zhi Qiang / Optimus Prime / creolised-psychoemotional clone-of-Jesus-Christ standards, so if you are not willing to go the distance to the same somewhat superhuman but still 1200% human and therefore theoretically possible reasonable degree that you see me go to with myself and to with those I love, then now is not the time for you to be pursuing reconciliation with me.

sub-Principles for Reconciliation Conversations with Kevin Martens (do not overthink these, just read them briefly and just know the general principle is be committed to reconciliation and unconditional love and self-regard, and don't be a fuckface)

1. Do not be afraid of me and of me trying to hold whatever shit it is you did over your head after you have made restitution, because you and I both know Kevin Martens Wong Zhi Qiang always does the right thing and always keeps all of his promises and commitments even when trapped in a corner and even when being forced to choose between the lesser of two horrendous evils. If you start by being afraid of me we're done and we cannot achieve reconciliation. I am that kid up there. I am that person you admired, felt threatened by, felt jealous of, destroyed psychoemotionally, etc etc etc. I am Kev, and I still love you. I sound angry because for fuck's sake I am after all the shit you did. But I want reconciliation, and I want it for me, for my community, for my island, and for my planet. I want you back. Go into the conversation with this in mind: remember how strong my honour is, how strong my irei is, and how much people respect me for keeping my word (because honestly I'm only just starting to finally accept this about myself as well, so we can both accept this together).

2. All four parts of you need to strive to be fully present when we talk: body, mind, heart and soul, and in general equal and dialogic (= interconnected) measure (be spontaneous, do not overthink the thing too much, have your feelings on, and think about the future that can result once we successfully get through this insanity). If you are going to cry, then yes you are fucking going to cry and I am probably going to cry too, and I don't care because I will do whatever it takes that is psychoemotionally healthy to do my most functional and fair possible part based on all of my own abilities and capacities to help fix this fucking planet and this fucking fucked up and stupid island, and if you're a guy, for fuck's sake, crying is psychoemotionally healthy.

3. Be 1200% real, authentic and vulnerable to Kevin Martens superautistic standards, and do not be anything but 1200% real, authentic and vulnerable to Kevin Martens superautistic standards. This means that if you are neurotypical, be prepared for me to completely ignore your attempts to approach things with anything that isn't an exact and 1200% match based on my standards for how we both should be feeling about the situation (e.g. if you are trying to convince me to somehow find joy or some baselessly uplifting shit in the fact that Renuka is dead, I am going to fucking ignore you, and I am going to get steadily more fucking irritated with you the more you try and do that.).

4. The easiest way (for me) to approach these conversations is to start by blurting the fuck out about whatever it is you did to me quickly so we can get it the fuck over with, because it's fucking awkward for me and it's fucking awkward for you, and I want to not have to deal with your bullshit about hemming and hawwing and fucking around all over the place with your neurotypical words. Just say:

"Kev, I'm sorry that I <whatever fuck thing it is you did>."

If the fucked up thing you did is rape me, then just say "Kev, I'm sorry that I raped you." If the fucked up thing you did is give me a warning letter for no justifiable reason, then just say "Kev, I'm sorry that I gave you a warning letter for no justifiable reason." Just say the fucking thing. It's hard. It's awkward. It's fucking painful. You'll be scared of whoever overhears. I know. I have already done my best to pick the least weird and overhearable location possible that is also very natural and normal. Do not waste my time and yours. I will walk away from the Tower if I detect you trying to negotiate your way out of what you did and/or diminish its impact on me. Real. Authentic. Vulnerable. Task-focused. Be a fucking human being talking to another human being who realises we all do stupid shit sometimes and that at your core you're just another child like me who is scared shitless. We gotta do the scary things but I'm here for you and I want you to make it through. Let's do it. Be real.

5. Remember what I have said since the start of the Orange Book: For my Mikeliang and reconciliation thingy to work, I need to know and understand why you did what you did such that I can empathise with you (and also unconsciously therefore so you can empathise with yourself). So you need to explain what the fuck happened such that you wanted to rape me, or give me a warning letter for no justifiable reason, on your end. E.g. you may have to explain things like:

"I raped you because I didn't realise you were autistic and misunderstood what you said."

"I attacked you because I was jealous of you and hated myself."

with some explanation of context and background of all this shit.

Do NOT occlude ISD or "shameful" or "yucky" connections. If ISD was involved or some superior was involved or your parents made you do it you will fucking say ISD or some superior was involved or your parents made you do it, because I need to know for my own fucking sanity and to get closure so that I can fucking forgive you properly. If at any point you also need to say "I don't know" that's also totally fine if you really don't know. 1200% real. 1200% factual. 1200% task-oriented. Let's get this done.

Remember just by process of elimination and the way everything has been going, I am also literally now probably one of the most compassionate human beings on the entire fucking planet, so what we also doing here is also bootstrapping your own ability to love yourself and process what it is you did to me so that we can both move the fuck on.

6. NO MORE HIDING YOUR TRUE SEXUALITY AND LEVEL OF ATTRACTION TO ME. NO FUCKING MORE. If at any point I detect you intentionally hiding this or being wiffly-waffly about this I will walk away from the Tower. We do not need to talk about sexuality if we do not need to talk about sexuality (i.e. if it's not relevant to what you did to me), but if it comes up, you will not avoid it and you will be fully truthful about your true sexuality and level of attraction to me. I repeat that this is non-negotiable and I will walk away from the Tower if I detect you are lying. Again: remember that I have the rep that I have because Kevin Martens Wong Zhi Qiang always honours his word and generally allows you and the whole fucking world to hold him to it, so if we do need to discuss your sexuality I will keep it 1200% confidential and will keep all secrets that I need to keep.

7. Once you have completed the process of reconciliation with me by accounting for every last major shitty thing you did to me, and explaining the context behind me, in my capacity as the 13th Kabesa of the Kristang people and Cowboy of Heaven of the Resurrection Language of the Last People, as the 4th and final Merlionsman of the Republic of Singapore and 1st Dreamtiger of Dragonsrock, and as the 1st and only Mikeliang and Demonslayer of Gaia Themselves, I will consider the horrors you inflicted on me as completely negated and balefire-obliterated from my reality and never bring them up again to ever guilt you or shame you so long as I am convinced to the highest standards possible that you will follow the same three criteria I originally listed on the Ending Self-Hate page, which are again repeated as follows:

(1) if you are Dragonsguard to me, you will forever honour what it means to be Dragonsguard to me and the Kristang people for the rest of my term as the 13th Kabesa until Thursday, 21 November 2075,

(2) if you are mutually reciprocally attracted to me, you will fully and unconditionally honour all forms of this mutual reciprocal attraction to me, especially the physical, romantic and/or sexual forms whose denial or suppression was the cause of the shitstorm you unleashed on me, and (eventually, please not at the fucking Tower itself) act on these in healthy ways with me such that they no longer become an untameable and destructive part of who you are and have always been, and

(3) be nothing but the most individuated and ethical version of yourself you could possibly be for the rest of your life as part of my immediate blood family and/or my Dragonsguard, and as someone who I respect, love, cherish and fight for with my life as I would.

8. This is not a strictly necessary condition, but once reconciliation is achieved, please stop running the fuck away from me, and actively develop a better, stronger and more fulfilling relationship with me that helps us both better deal with the insanity that is 2025.

9. Be prepared for miscommunication especially if you have never communicated with me knowing that I am autistic. Autistic people like me say exactly what we mean. So if I say:

"I'm still struggling with a lot of the stuff you did."

this sentence does not also have the additional hidden meaning "I actually still hate you and want you to go away", or any other hidden meaning, it only and exclusively means "I'm still struggling with a lot of the stuff you did". If I say

"I always do the right thing."

this sentence does not also have the additional hidden meaning "I think I am more virtuous than you and you sad pathetic worthless demon, I am looking down on you", or any other hidden meaning, it is literally just intended as an autistic observation that means "I always do the right thing". You can think of autism (very reductively, try not to do this too much) as me being the Wild Robot from The Wild Robot movie, a Mentat from Dune, or a Vulcan from Star Trek, where everything these characters say has no hidden agenda or meaning and is literally just what is being said. If you go into the conversation thinking that I have a hidden agenda then it means like ISD you are actually the one who has a hidden agenda and believe everyone else does too, and thus, I DO NOT FUCKING WANT TO TALK TO YOU. You will approach this conversation without any of that hidden agenda (or hidden gay agenda, for fuck's sake) bullshit in mind or there is just no conversation with Kevin Martens Wong Zhi Qiang.

10. If you can't believe that I have that much irei for you then you are going to misunderstand half of the things I say, so it's not time for reconciliation yet. Remember that our capacity to love others in psychoemotionally healthy unconditional ways is exactly equivalent to our own capacity to love ourselves in psychoemotionally healthy unconditional ways (irei = ireidi), so because I have been through hell probably more times over than there are molecules in the visible and invisible universe, when I say I love you, I fucking mean it, because I also fucking love myself that much in a healthy, human and psychoemotionally superfunctional way for getting through just every single fucking thing all you people put me through without ever wanting any kind of revenge whatsoever.

11. If I tell you at any point in the conversation that there is likely psychoemotional projection or semi-conscious or unconscious transference going on from your end, please believe me. I do not name such stuff lightly because one of the ugliest forms of trauma I faced were false accusations that I was projecting and transferring onto others, so if I tell you that I hypothesise that this is the case, please don't get defensive and just work with me on negotiating it (and if you don't know what psychoemotional projection is or transference is please fucking go read up on these before meeting me). Due to the unique mechanics of my archetypes and whatever fuckshit else that I have been forced to live with, I do not transfer or project and literally appear to be cognitively and psychoemotionally incapable of doing so even if I wanted to.

12. Take the opportunity. Renuka is dead. Her himnaka is looking at all of you now who have this one chance to turn things around. You think she's gonna be happy if you coward out of this one? Don't do it. Be that hero you always thought I was pretending to be, because you never believed you had it in you. There's another inner child who needs love, and it's not my own. Animumbes. I have a Jarding Ireidra to grow, Benji has a song to sing, Nat has a story to tell, and Jaasir has an arvahang to make. We want you to be a part of it all. Time to finally be a fucking flower everybody 🌸

I call you home in the voice of the 13th Cowboy of Heaven of the Kristang people,

and in the voices of the twelve Kabesa who preceded me and the twenty-nine Kabesa and sixty-eight Ka-Kabesa who will succeed me — the leaders of the Last People of the world, those who as one eleidi across the fourth dimension of time represent all Kristang people past, present, possible and future committed fully to the process of reconciliation, and who represent all sixteen ego-patterns of humanity: Adriaan, Barchie, Eliza, Edwin, Noel, Hugh, Toto, CJ, Percy, Nanny, Gran, Val, Benji, Nat, Jaasir, Kieran, Diana, Sol, Aikern, Sharif, Joanna, Rylie, Regina, Dawn, Justus, Callisteia, Hannan, Palome, Meryl, Lucas, Shelba, Imran, Belice, Ourania, Esther, Allie, Mandy, Elker, Joeline, Cooper, Devina, Ezra, Beoric, Connor, Victor, Shenan, Hale, Patrick, Clinton, Kelton, Everett, Elvis, Daggenan, Ovis, Leopold, Jereon, Roderick, Brandon, Orphiel, Susanna, Beatrice, Ellie, Morris, Cersey, Orphiel, Dennick, Wellsley, Carl, Trigon, Boaz, Orion, Seneca, Benjamin, Uriel, Talia, Patience, Felicity, Annamarie, Rowson, Harold, Douglas, Ferdinand, Gerald, Columbia, Agatha, Henmie, Wyvy, Imelda, Setri, Chris, Henry, Bilder, Aymeric, Edwin, Roper, Stanislaus, Brayley, Lowy, Chiron, Odin, Nielson, Javash, Fred, John, Xyanne, Beatrice, Rantheia, Erie, Marion and Benedett.

I call you home in the voices of my blood family ancestors,

in the voices of your blood family ancestors who support reconciliation and your individuation,

in the voices of all of my Dragonsguard, especially those already in the Great Beyond,

in the voices of all those I love who I have already successfully brought home to themselves,

in the voices of Nanny, Tai Tai, Andrew, Vinod, Grandpa, Derek, Bernard, Uncle Basil and Reks,

and most importantly, in the voice of Kevin Martens Wong Zhi Qiang:

Bong ahowdy, Sinyorang.

Tempu birah kaza🧡